Online games news Tedious Retro Gamer, 01-03-2024
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A long, long time ago, in an evil corporation on the other side of the world, some manager desperate to keep his job came up with the Holy Grail of gaming - he will publish a game so good that no other game could come close to it. And that is how Skull and Bones was born.
This poor man knew very little about game design, after all, he was a manager, not a designer. The title he was forced to work on was already a few years behind schedule, several other managers before him failed to finish the job, so he came up with a concept so evil that it just had to work. He will tell his bosses that Skull and Bones took 11 years to develop because the game was so sophisticated and complex that no other game could match it. This will give him some breathing space, the foreign government that was stupid enough to slap lots of money on the project would be happy, after all they knew even less about game development than he does.
But there was a catch in that story - this gamble could work only if he had at least a decent game to show for. Well, since that was an evil corporation, they must have some old, unused pieces of game lying around in the office, right? Let’s just patch them up together, spend a few months on polishing the cracks and lying extra layers of duct tape, and ship this baby out. And that is how Skull and Bones was born.
What the players did? Very little. Some of them played the intro bit that was free and buggered off to play some better games. Those unlucky ones, who had to force themselves to play Skull and Bones (f.e. to review this masterpiece) were sad and lonely. After all, everyone who did not have to play this title was happy playing something else or living their lives, but the poor, sad reviewers were sitting in their dark dungeons and were forced by their evil bosses to play this abomination so another evil corporation could make some pity money by offering it as an exclusive.
Well, "play" is a bit of a stretch in this case, let’s say they were using it. Or to be exact they were forced to travel for long periods of time using sails, even though they had the technology to use self-propelled torpedoes about 300 years before they were invented, they were forced to take part in endless dialogues that lead nowhere, they had to modify their ships to waste less time on travels and... I have no idea what else is in this game, I fell asleep watching those poor bastards. And that is how Skull and Bones had died.
The End
12-03-2024
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